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It Takes a Worried Man: A Memoir, by Brendan Halpin
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Hilarious and heartbreaking, profane and profound, It Takes a Worried Man is the true story of a young husband and father whose life is changed forever by his wife’s breast cancer diagnosis. Following Brendan Halpin’s cranky, irreverent and lustful thoughts through the diagnosis and treatment of his wife, Kirsten, It Takes a Worried Man is an unflinching and raw look at how cancer transforms a family. It’s also the funniest book about cancer you’ll ever read.
- Sales Rank: #1366362 in eBooks
- Published on: 2015-02-24
- Released on: 2015-02-24
- Format: Kindle eBook
From Publishers Weekly
Halpin's memoir of his wife's struggle with breast cancer is a heartbreaking read. In the aftermath of tragedy, people will often say, "At least it happened quickly; at least there was no pain." Not so with cancer, even for survivors. Halpin, his wife, Kirsten, and their five-year-old daughter had just moved into their dream house and imagined a reprieve from life's difficulties. A biopsy forced them to face their worst fears: Kirsten's cancer was diagnosed as stage four. She was forced to confront her own death her survival chances hovered around 60% as well as the terrific pain and discomfort of treatment. Halpin, a high school English teacher in Boston, Ma., focuses mostly on his own struggles, his silence regarding his wife seems more respectful than self-involved. His eye is unflinching and honest as he observes the medical establishment's seeming indifference, satanic folksinging neighbors, family members too human to be totally selfless, supportive colleagues and, best of all, himself. Although cancer-survivor Kirsten is the true heroine of the book, Halpin is the loving "worried man" rallying behind her. By turns nauseatingly descriptive (the hose stuck through his wife's chest makes for especially queasy reading) and wickedly funny, this memoir of a husband's fight with his wife's cancer is an excellent though painful book for anyone facing similar situations. (Feb.)Forecast: If the statistics are any indicator (approximately one in eight women will get breast cancer), this book will find its way into the hands of many a husband.
Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
From Library Journal
Will people really want to read the rantings of a pouting, grouchy, grumbling, whiny 32-year-old? They will when they meet Halpin, a teacher in a Boston charter high school and the husband of a 32-year-old woman with Stage 4 breast cancer. Few books on breast cancer feature the husband's perspective (David Tillman's beautiful In the Failing Light, LJ 5/15/99, is a rare exception). Halpin's view is so in your face, so funny, so foul-mouthed, and so honest that everyone will want to read this and cheer for his wife, Kirsten, and their four-year-old daughter, Rowen. This is the yearlong diary of Kirsten's ordeal, which included high-dose chemotherapy and stem-cell replacement. Halpin describes every day, every complaint, every fear, along with his favorite (and not so favorite) music (loves the Carter Family, hates Dan Fogelberg), TV shows, movies, and food (especially food). He doesn't let family or friends off the hook except maybe the folks from the Unitarian Church where he belongs who do his housework, even cleaning the toilets, and his students, whom he truly loves teaching. Fortunately, there is no ending to his story. Kirsten is alive, her tumors are still palpable but considerably smaller, and she celebrated her 33rd birthday. According to Halpin, that "has to be enough." The language is graphic, which is to be expected of most 32-year-old males, but this book should not be missed. Highly recommended. Bette-Lee Fox, "Library Journal"
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
From Booklist
When Halpin's wife is diagnosed with stage-four breast cancer that has metastasized to her spine, he begins writing a journal. It's an emotional roller coaster--from pure physical exhaustion to the testing of his admittedly lukewarm faith--rendered in an honest, funny, touching account. Exposing his personal inadequacies and the fault lines in his relationships with parents and in-laws, Halpin gears up to support his wife and care for their four-year-old daughter. He includes running commentary on the soundtracks of his harrowing experience, veering from doleful country music to rock 'n' roll Christmas albums, as he goes through the initial diagnosis, treatment, and dealing with the minutiae of everyday life in the face of a fatal disease. Disappointed that no great spiritual transformation comes out of the experience, Halpin eventually accepts the mundane necessity of living life each day without dwelling on cancer. This is a poignant account with no answers and a probing look at how one individual copes with dire circumstances. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Most helpful customer reviews
15 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
It's not pretty, it's just true.
By Deborah Bancroft
I'm a little confused by some of the reviews here. One says that the author fails to make his point: it seems to me that that reviewer wanted the author to have, simply, a different point to make. He doesn't. His point is that illness brings out the best and the worst in all of us, and doesn't really leave any of us looking very much like heroes. The kind of book that these reviewers seem to want is the kind of book that makes me generally despise fiction: blah blah blah, oh, we're all so honorable and brave. We're not. We're all peeing our pants most of the time, and Mr. Halpin says so, and I was immensely relieved to hear it.
If Mr. Halpin admits that he was less than respectful in some moments, well, good for him, maybe the next man who isn't perfect will feel better knowing he's not alone. If Mr. Halpin admits that he doesn't know what's going to happen next, well good for him some more: neither do I and neither do you. Mr. Halpin doesn't give us all the details that we want about his wife's experience: frankly, it's not her book, but it's important to note that we do want those details. It's a quick read, someone said: yep. I wanted it to be longer too. It lacks structure: no, it lacks predictable structure, but so does one's mind when dealing with this sort of experience.
I hadn't planned on writing a reveiw of this book, but reading the others here has inspired me, so here goes:
"It Takes Worried Man" is not a nice, tidy, politically correct story. Thank God for that.
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
we're human. and that's the point.
By A Customer
Reading about this struggle of dealing with life-threatening illness, I was constantly reminded about how important it is to always remember we're human. That's what separates us and also binds us. Halpin puts his humanness right out there in all its uniqueness and commonality: of being in his wife's experience and being outside it, of being tugged between his own fears and those of his wife and their family, of being caught between frustration and hope, of finding refuge in things wacky and sublime. All these things remind me that I can not know how I might respond to such a situation, but I can know that I would have my own unique reactions. And as unique as they would be, they would also be part of a shared humanness. Halpin's book is an important, funny, and heartrending read in these times when we need to constantly remember we're part of a fragile, human community.
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Can't stop reading
By A Customer
I bought this book yesterday, and found myself very unsociable, all evening, I couldn't put it down. Halpin draws you right in, and you want to know whats going on. I read it on the subway coming into work, and kept brushing away tears. I love this family, I love the lives they live - I love Halpin's ability to see joy in moments with his daughter. You find that these are people you want to be with!
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